


Pidge Has a Bad Time: The Game: The Movie

by FrogFacey



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A lot of Skyrim terminology, Based on a True Story, More than one actually, Skyrim - Freeform, pidge swears a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 22:39:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12994035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrogFacey/pseuds/FrogFacey
Summary: Pidge plays Skyrim at 1 am.That's literally it





	Pidge Has a Bad Time: The Game: The Movie

Pidge was currently at her seventh hour playing Skyrim, that’s one hour longer than one of her fucking middle school days.

Her keys were sticky and her mouse was janky and it was all and all an unpleasant experience but she was so fucking close to leveling up and god dammit she just had to fucking _persevere_ and then she’d finally be at level 31.

But she _was not_ going to play on her brother’s fucking controller because goddamn she was just not up to fucking with the controls for ten minutes just so she could beat up a goddamn wolf.

It was currently around 1am and she was not planning on stopping anytime soon, except for if she had to in case she threw her keyboard.

Seven hours.  
Seven.

It would be so much more fun if she had someone like Hunk to sass off to while she stabbed the shit out of a horker, but alas, it was 1 am and Hunk was never awake at 1 am because unlike some people (*cough cough*her and Keith*cough*) he had an actual sleep schedule.

She was an argonian named Speppie because her best friend had a pet lizard and _not_ because she was a furry goddamn it Lance. She liked to think the squeak noise the sharpening wheel of doom made was the same noise Speppie made when she stabbed.

Speppie liked stabbing.

The only thing that made this whole experience any better was that the fact that the current day was named Turdas.

She sighed as she killed another butterfly, it was kinda boring now that Lance wasn’t there to yell “Hay Gurl HAY,” every time she was shot by bandits and make exaggerated moaning noises as she tumbled to her death down mountains.

She waddled her way down the river, contemplating how annoying it must be to swim in full battle armor when she was interrupted by the unnatural splashing of something on the riverbed, after closer inspection she came to the conclusion that it was a slaughterfish. A dead one.

Her inspection was cut short by a mudcrab coming up and nipping her in the butt. They only took two hits to kill, but it was annoying.

She continued her way down the river, deciding that it would be way more fun to just pass through the river instead of walk around it, except that was interrupted by another slaughterfish corpse.

‘Why are there so many dead slaughterfish’ she would have wondered if it weren’t for the nip in the butt...And the...Other nip in the butt.

She turned around, prepared to give those two mudcrabs a good ol’ talking to with the head of her warhammer, except she was met with...Four whole mudcrabs, all determined to nip her in the butt.

“I am not dying by crab!” She yelled, maybe a little too loudly. But god dammit she was already on low health from the fall down the waterfall and she was not getting taken down by a fucking crab.

With a final whisper yell of determination, she crushed the last crab, basking in the winnings of the single coin one of them dropped. He was probably on a date with his gillfriend.

Fuck, crabs don’t have gills, pun canceled.

She sighed an almighty sigh and continued her march onwards.

She wondered if Alteans had coffee and if, by extension, that meant that they had instant coffee Pidge could pilfer. It would probably help with how tired she was right now.

She was never allowed to have coffee back at home, her Mum said it was because it messed with her stomach and made her anxious, her Dad said it was because he didn’t like the smell of coffee. Matt took her out to obscure little coffee shops on the edge of town sometimes though, her favourite was the one that always played extreme jazz in the background. It was like the metal equivalent of jazz, it was so powerful that she almost didn’t feel like a pussy while listening to it.

Her Dad would probably kick her out for saying that but _whatever_.

Her internal monologue was halted when she found herself halfway up a mountain being shot at by bandits.

Not even the hot lady bandits with the cool facepaint who’d yell at her about how soon she was going to die with their bloodstained fur armor and beautiful hair flowing in the wind.

No, these were the angry bandits with swords who made her die in a very fabulous death-drop escue position this one time.

Pidge made a kind of squeal-war cry and Speppie charged up the mountain, though it didn’t really work and she had to resort to running down and around the mountain.

But once she made her way back up, she was going to make these bandits regret their lizard-killing-old-man-robbing lives!

That didn’t really work, she nearly died twice and she’d only successfully ambushed them because they were too dumb to realise that _no_ those arrows in your literal skull are _not_ just your imagination.

Ignoring the whole robot-lion-man destined to save the universe thing, that was probably the highest stress situation she’d been in in a long time.

Pidge sighed and decided that it would probably be best if she just quick travelled back to civilization, less being attacked and more being insulted by that one dude in ugly clothes about how she could never have been to the Cloud District before because she has no moneee.

She should have known that it wouldn’t be that easy because GUESS WHAT?

You can’t fast travel around danger and GUESS WHAT ELSE?

She was being attacked by a fucking snow cat.

Pidge almost literally screamed and hit her mouse so hard it nearly broke, adrenaline still rushing through her as she watched the snow cat’s ragdoll corpse fall to the ground.

Wow, getting an adrenaline rush from a video game when she was literally in fucking space? It was almost sad.

“Fuck!” Pidge nearly threw her fucking keyboard, goddamn everything was trying to kill her.

There was a soft knock on the door which calmed Pidge’s anger a little, “Wuzzup?” She asked at the door.

It opened and behind it stood a very tired looking Lance, dressing gown and slippers on. 

 

“Pidge, it’s like 3 am-”

“Only one.” She cut him off.

He raised an eyebrow but continued anyway, “It’s too late to be screaming at the computer.”

“Says the one up until 6 playing your fucking cooking game.” Pidge paused Skyrim so that she couldn’t get sneak attacked and turned around to give lance the judgiest look she could muster.

“Hey, Cooking Mama is a masterpiece, you don’t just go around making fun of it like that!” Lance placed his hands on his hips dramatically and leaned forward to poke her in the chest accusingly.

“Cooking Mama isn’t that good.” Hunk mumbled, leaning against the doorway, “Honestly I think the Papa’s Pizzeria games were more important to my childhood.” He ignored Lance’s scandalised look to wave at Pidge.

“Did I wake you guys?” Pidge felt kinda bad, but it was nice to have some company that wasn’t her judgy brother who played a khajiit because he was a fucking _furry_ with the hots for his own damn character.

“Yeah,” both Hunk and Lance said at the same time.

Pidge winced a little, “Sorry.”

Hunk shrugged and clambered over Pidge’s pile of shit, “Nah, it’s fine. We’ll just sit in here and bug you.” 

She grinned and turned back to the screen, unpausing the game and looting the snow cat’s body.

She continued down the path, Hunk interrupted her to tell her to give a runaway prisoner some coins, Lance shoved him to the side to say booze was better.

Even though her keyboard was fucked and her eyes hurt so much that she couldn’t see, it was better now that she had people there to talk to. Peaceful almost, she had background noise at least. Yeah, she felt a little bad for waking Hunk and Lance up, but it was worth it for the comedy and anger management.

Or at least it was until Lance started yelling about butt fucking as she got stabbed by a bear.

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of Mr Mothball's (http://archiveofourown.org/users/MrMothball/pseuds/MrMothball) Skyrim related shenanigans that I witnessed while sitting to the side being no help at all.
> 
> You're welcome
> 
> (Also slightly based on my best friend's passion for Cooking Mama and golf apps)


End file.
